the selling of tobacco be considered a form of assisted suicide?
PRUTSPIN: Suicide implies a willful choice to kill oneself. As
cigarettes are just as addictive as heroin and cocaine, in terms
of the ability of users to quit, there is not a lot of "choice"
in the matter. Other tobacco companies like to blame tobacco's
toll on their customers, but we'll tell you the truth, selling
of tobacco is a form of corporate homicide.
How can I purchase one of your many fine brands of cigarettes? Are
you planning on setting up an online store? Please let me know I
have been thinking about switching brands, I just cant stand that
the other tabacco companies have been lying to me.
PRUTSPIN: Thanks for your email. Our line of cigarettes has not
yet hit the store. We may set up an online store in the future,
but no date has been set. We certainly understand your interest
in supporting an "honest" company, and look forward
to the privilege of killing you slowly, one cigarette at a time,
in the future.
You folks make me proud to be an American again! The only way
the world is going to survive is to keep the human population numbers
down -- yours is an excellent strategy for this.
me know how I can buy a few packs for my friends. If I had any
money, I'd invest! -M.M
PRUTSPIN: Thanks for your interest in our company. We are heartened
that our deadly product line has boosted your patriotism. Indeed,
the freedom to make money off of killing people is what we think
America is all about!
we're not sure if our company will be effective in limiting population
growth, as most of our customers die from our products after bearing
children. That said, we have adopted a "cradle to grave"
marketing strategy -- and if we can get kids smoking in third
world countries as soon as they are able to hold a cigarette to
their mouth (age 2?), they might develop lung cancer by their
teenage years. Thank you for pointing out the "silver lining"
to the global massacre.
ignorant slut. Virginia is friendly to all intelligent folks who
live freely choosing our lifestyle, our heritage, our future rooted
in rich cultural ways and means we love and shall continue, regardless
of freaks like yourself who have no life, no meaning, no truth
to contribute to this world. Stay at home, watch t.v., watch CNN,
dream your little dreams of lonely compassion within your self
deluded fantasy utopia, leaving us people alone enjoying our lives
unencumbered by your slimely, ugly, hateful drivel.
PRUTSPIN: I am not sure to whom your message was addressed, but
our company is in complete agreement with you that Virginia is
a great state. Not only is it a state with wonderful people and
a rich heritage (with the exception of Thomas Jefferson, who had
a odd problem with corporations exerting power over democratic
systems of government), it is a state that has fully licensed
us to carry out our business as we choose.
do take issue with your calling us an "ignorant slut"
-- at least the "ignorant" part. Only a brilliant company
could convince people to buy a product that kills them. As for
"slut", we openly admit that we are "in bed"
with quite a lot of politicians, not just in Virginia, but in
Washington and around the world.
you for sharing your views with us. We hope that you will become
one of our loyal customers, allowing us to attain our dream of
making a whole lot of money (at the expense of millions of human
and welcome to the market of mass killing.
name is [name withheld] , a 26 year old entrepreneur in Iceland.
would very much like to become a distributor for your brands in
Scandinavia, So if you need one please contact me so we can start
your campaign on this side of the atlantic ASAP.
regards. -- V.D.V
PRUTSPIN: Thank you for your email. Please send us more information
about yourself and your ideas for how best to saturate the tobacco
market in Iceland with our deadly product line.
I will send you information on how to market your products
in Iceland shortly. Could you send me some info and pictures of
your products. Hope you like the CV
PRUTSPIN: There will be additional information and photos of our
products available on our website shortly. As for your CV, it
doesn't appear that you have any experience working with businesses
that put profit above public health. Is this so? If not, please
outline your relevant experience in this area.
Sirs: I'm sure that you are aware of the puzzling reaction people
get when they read your web page. I can't help but to ask myself
if you are completely genuine about your statements. If this is
true, I have to ask how you are able to do such business? All
I can conclude is that you place no value on your own lives. Sincerely,A
PRUTSPIN: Our company is puzzled that you would be puzzled at
the content of our website. The reaction of most people who have
viewed it, has been appreciation -- appreciation for our company's
brutal honesty about the nature of the tobacco business. We have
no moral qualms about our business. After all, the state of Virginia
fully sanctioned us to manufacture and market tobacco in a way
that kills 4.9 million people annually. That's how "mainstream"
killer companies like us have become. And contrary to your conclusions,
we value our company's life dearly. We just don't give a hoot
about the lives of our customers.
you truthfully selling the brands of cigarrettes on your website
and making actual profits and political donations? - J.W.
PRUTSPIN: Thanks for your interest in our company. In answer to
your question, our line of cigarettes is not yet available in
the stores or online, so we have not made any actual profits yet.
But this is all part of the marketing plan -- create buzz, control
supply, and hype demand -- similar to the strategy that toy companies
use around the holidays. As for political donations, that will
depend on our profit return. In the meantime, we plan to aggressively
lobby Congress to preempt future class action cases against our
guys are fu***** idiots. What a warped board of directors you
must be. I have a lot more respect for tobacco companies than
I do your company. At least they display some integrity that you
definitely are lacking.
PRUTSPIN: Thanks for sharing your views on our company and apologies
for the delay in responding. Since the launch of our company earlier
this month, we have been deluged with inquiries from future customers.
seems that there is some misunderstanding. We are an official
tobacco company, fully licensed by the state of Virginia to kill
4.9 million worldwide annually with our products. We are hardly
idiots. To the contrary, only a brilliant company could convince
people to buy a product that kills them if used as intended. As
for your other charge, that's probably true -- our company is
"in bed" with a whole lot of politicians in Virginia,
Washington, DC, and indeed around the world.
the way, the smoking smiley face image attached to your email
message is really cool. Is it an original design? If so, let us
know if we have permission to add it to Licensed to Kill's website.