We're Rich, You're Dead!

Shouldn't the selling of tobacco be considered a form of assisted suicide?

CORE PRUTSPIN: Suicide implies a willful choice to kill oneself. As cigarettes are just as addictive as heroin and cocaine, in terms of the ability of users to quit, there is not a lot of "choice" in the matter. Other tobacco companies like to blame tobacco's toll on their customers, but we'll tell you the truth, selling of tobacco is a form of corporate homicide.

How can I purchase one of your many fine brands of cigarettes? Are you planning on setting up an online store? Please let me know I have been thinking about switching brands, I just cant stand that the other tabacco companies have been lying to me.

CORE PRUTSPIN: Thanks for your email. Our line of cigarettes has not yet hit the store. We may set up an online store in the future, but no date has been set. We certainly understand your interest in supporting an "honest" company, and look forward to the privilege of killing you slowly, one cigarette at a time, in the future.

You folks make me proud to be an American again! The only way the world is going to survive is to keep the human population numbers down -- yours is an excellent strategy for this.

Let me know how I can buy a few packs for my friends. If I had any money, I'd invest! -M.M

CORE PRUTSPIN: Thanks for your interest in our company. We are heartened that our deadly product line has boosted your patriotism. Indeed, the freedom to make money off of killing people is what we think America is all about!

Honestly, we're not sure if our company will be effective in limiting population growth, as most of our customers die from our products after bearing children. That said, we have adopted a "cradle to grave" marketing strategy -- and if we can get kids smoking in third world countries as soon as they are able to hold a cigarette to their mouth (age 2?), they might develop lung cancer by their teenage years. Thank you for pointing out the "silver lining" to the global massacre.

You ignorant slut. Virginia is friendly to all intelligent folks who live freely choosing our lifestyle, our heritage, our future rooted in rich cultural ways and means we love and shall continue, regardless of freaks like yourself who have no life, no meaning, no truth to contribute to this world. Stay at home, watch t.v., watch CNN, dream your little dreams of lonely compassion within your self deluded fantasy utopia, leaving us people alone enjoying our lives unencumbered by your slimely, ugly, hateful drivel.


CORE PRUTSPIN: I am not sure to whom your message was addressed, but our company is in complete agreement with you that Virginia is a great state. Not only is it a state with wonderful people and a rich heritage (with the exception of Thomas Jefferson, who had a odd problem with corporations exerting power over democratic systems of government), it is a state that has fully licensed us to carry out our business as we choose.

We do take issue with your calling us an "ignorant slut" -- at least the "ignorant" part. Only a brilliant company could convince people to buy a product that kills them. As for "slut", we openly admit that we are "in bed" with quite a lot of politicians, not just in Virginia, but in Washington and around the world.

Thank you for sharing your views with us. We hope that you will become one of our loyal customers, allowing us to attain our dream of making a whole lot of money (at the expense of millions of human lives).

Hello and welcome to the market of mass killing.

My name is [name withheld] , a 26 year old entrepreneur in Iceland.

I would very much like to become a distributor for your brands in Scandinavia, So if you need one please contact me so we can start your campaign on this side of the atlantic ASAP.

Best regards. -- V.D.V

CORE PRUTSPIN: Thank you for your email. Please send us more information about yourself and your ideas for how best to saturate the tobacco market in Iceland with our deadly product line.

I will send you information on how to market your products in Iceland shortly. Could you send me some info and pictures of your products. Hope you like the CV

CORE PRUTSPIN: There will be additional information and photos of our products available on our website shortly. As for your CV, it doesn't appear that you have any experience working with businesses that put profit above public health. Is this so? If not, please outline your relevant experience in this area.

Dear Sirs: I'm sure that you are aware of the puzzling reaction people get when they read your web page. I can't help but to ask myself if you are completely genuine about your statements. If this is true, I have to ask how you are able to do such business? All I can conclude is that you place no value on your own lives. Sincerely,A concerned citizen

CORE PRUTSPIN: Our company is puzzled that you would be puzzled at the content of our website. The reaction of most people who have viewed it, has been appreciation -- appreciation for our company's brutal honesty about the nature of the tobacco business. We have no moral qualms about our business. After all, the state of Virginia fully sanctioned us to manufacture and market tobacco in a way that kills 4.9 million people annually. That's how "mainstream" killer companies like us have become. And contrary to your conclusions, we value our company's life dearly. We just don't give a hoot about the lives of our customers.

Are you truthfully selling the brands of cigarrettes on your website and making actual profits and political donations? - J.W.

CORE PRUTSPIN: Thanks for your interest in our company. In answer to your question, our line of cigarettes is not yet available in the stores or online, so we have not made any actual profits yet. But this is all part of the marketing plan -- create buzz, control supply, and hype demand -- similar to the strategy that toy companies use around the holidays. As for political donations, that will depend on our profit return. In the meantime, we plan to aggressively lobby Congress to preempt future class action cases against our industry.

You guys are fu***** idiots. What a warped board of directors you must be. I have a lot more respect for tobacco companies than I do your company. At least they display some integrity that you definitely are lacking.

CORE PRUTSPIN: Thanks for sharing your views on our company and apologies for the delay in responding. Since the launch of our company earlier this month, we have been deluged with inquiries from future customers.

It seems that there is some misunderstanding. We are an official tobacco company, fully licensed by the state of Virginia to kill 4.9 million worldwide annually with our products. We are hardly idiots. To the contrary, only a brilliant company could convince people to buy a product that kills them if used as intended. As for your other charge, that's probably true -- our company is "in bed" with a whole lot of politicians in Virginia, Washington, DC, and indeed around the world.

By the way, the smoking smiley face image attached to your email message is really cool. Is it an original design? If so, let us know if we have permission to add it to Licensed to Kill's website.


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Website disclaimer: Licensed to Kill, Inc stands by the veracity, but not the morality
of the contents of www.licensedtokill.biz, as well as the behavior of our company and its public statements.